30 Days Back Home: A Journey Of Self-Love

It was January; It was warm; I was back home where it all began. It’s been a month now, since I am in Mumbai. So, let me take you through these 30 days of awesomeness.

Mirror mirror on the wall who is the cruelest of them all.
Mirror: *reflects light*
Is it broken? Sure seems like it. Why else would it call me cruel?
When was the last time you looked in a mirror, and saw a person, a friend, and couldn’t help but smile?
When was the last time you looked at that person in the eye?

Pondering over this question, I decided to seek therapy to help me cope with my own struggles. Spending quality time with my family and more so myself became an integral aspect. This helped me strengthen my rocks and build a solid foundation.

This month has been about enjoying the little things. The baby steps of soft joy. It has been about taking a few steps downwards. Stumbling and falling, but cherishing the flecks of life.

Oh, and I can’t help but to mention sleeping. With sleeping, I don’t mean the bodily need of an eight hour sleep, but the pure quality sleep. I have slept like I haven’t slept in years. Almost like a kid, who was lost outdoors for years, but has come back home.

I still feel tired though. The fatigue that is not easy to wash away. After running and hiding for so long, bouncing back is an issue. Confronting life itself felt like a terrible hiccup.

Have you ever been in love? Imagine it if you can. Love, unconditional, faithful, pure… to the point where your reason to live is that person.
But that person starts to ignore you, worse yet abusing you and hearting you.
That sounds like a toxic relationship right. Most of us have a toxic relationship with ourself.
That mirror person is a reflection of your individuality.

As tiring as it seems, it certainly hasn’t been joyous. However, it has been about living slowly. Mainly about being in the moment and focusing on the breath. Something that a samurai would say. I have been living in the moment through diverse ways. I used cooking, running, therapy and music as my flexible ways to convert my moments into joy. I also desire to increase this joy exponentially by indulging in salsa and yoga. Academic goals and pursuits about nutrition and food chemistry will also be an interesting add on. Remember:

It hurts. It’s hard. You are afraid.
You run, you hide, you do not break.
Love, chin up.
Sit upright straight.

Your dreams, your hopes;
Don’t dim them down.
Love, don’t yield.
Sit up back proud

With love you’ll heal.
With Love you’ll grow
You ain’t alone
And that’s for sure

These 30 days back home have been a journey to self acceptance and self love. This has been a beautiful path to walk on and I look forward to what awaits next.

Authorship: Shaswat Betala

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